My Mother’s Second Husband Should Not Die Before Her. Nor Me.
The fear of losing another loved one can be overwhelming, especially if you’ve already experienced significant losses in your life. For my mother, it seemed that the men in her life often dropped dead without warning, explanation, or parting. Losing those close to you can make it difficult to move forward and can lead to a lot of anxiety and stress.
The day after Thanksgiving, my mother called me worried that she was going to kill me. I had mistakenly told him I had heartburn, so he left me a long voicemail reminding me that my father had heartburn before he died of a heart attack at age 50 while playing racquetball. This sparked a concern that her partner could also be at risk and that she needed to take action.
Following Bing’s military burial by Marine veterans on a hill outside Bakersfield, my mother asked me to take her to Hawaii to visit her older sister, who lives there with her daughter. She went on a similar trip after my father died, a trip to paradise to get away from home and, at the same time, be close to people who knew their peers and had stories to tell.
However, the trip to Hawaii did not go as planned. There were unexpected rainstorms, forest fires, and even evacuation orders. All of this stress led to chest pains for me that turned out to be mini panic attacks. It was a wake-up call to take better care of myself and not let stress and anxiety take over my life.
In the end, my mother reminded me that Bing may not have been my father, but he loved me like his son and took care of us as best he could. It was a reminder to cherish the time we have with our loved ones, as we never know when it may be our last.
So, my mother’s second husband should not die before her, nor should I. But we cannot control life’s uncertainties and tragedies. What we can do is cherish the time we have with those we love, take proper care of ourselves, and live our lives to the fullest.
