He Proved He Can Stay Up Past 8 PM

Late-night hosts unpacked the first night of the Democratic national convention and Donald Trump’s latest campaign flubs.

The first night of the Democratic national convention (DNC) in Chicago was “an extraordinary night, and extraordinarily long,” said Stephen Colbert on a live Late Show from the city’s Auditorium Theatre. “We’ve just rolled over into the first night of the 2028 campaign.”

The host recapped the packed first day of events, which stretched past midnight, including an appearance from New York’s governor, Kathy Hochul, “who wasted no time in making no sense.” Said Hochul: “Are you ready to elect Kamala Harris the first president of the United States?!”

“Yes, the first president of the United States!” Colbert laughed. “Now it seems like that was a mistake, but it’s like George Washington famously said: ‘That little girl was me.’”

In another speech, Hillary Clinton saluted Joe Biden: “He has been democracy’s champion at home and abroad. He brought dignity, decency, and competence back to the White House.”

“He also brought a soft-serve machine and if you say please, he will let you do a swirl directly into your mouth,” Colbert parodied.

Clinton was also confident on the chances of beating Donald Trump – “we have him on the run now,” she said.

“He can run?!” Colbert joked. “What does that look like?”

At last, Biden took the stage for his address and was greeted by a four-and-a-half-minute standing ovation. “After decades of tireless public service, President Biden entered to a crowd of thousands of people shouting his name. If only he knew he could get the same thing by saying fart jokes on CBS,” Colbert quipped.

“Biden stood on that stage, gave a powerful speech and proved to the country and to the world that he can stay up past 8pm,” he continued. “Biden saved up all the energy he did not use at that debate and uncorked it tonight.”

Biden ended his address by quoting a song: “the work and prayers of centuries have brought us to this day, what shall our legacy be? What will our children say? Let me know in my heart, when my days are through. America, America, I gave my best to you.”

“Thank you, Joe,” said a sincere Colbert. “Overall tonight, this convention had joy, excitement and a clear vision for the future. And even though I am exhausted, it’s been an amazing week – what? It’s been one night? How is that possible?!”

On Late Night, Seth Meyers looked into Republicans’ wishful thinking for Donald Trump’s struggling campaign. “As Trump’s polling slide continues, Republicans have been taking to the airwaves to give Trump advice where they know he’ll hear it: TV,” he said.

Lindsey Graham, for instance, said on Meet The Press: “President Trump can win this election. His policies are good for America, and if you have a policy debate, he wins. Donald Trump, the provocateur, the showman, may not win this election.”

“As much as Republicans may want a sober statesman to suddenly appear, there’s only one Donald Trump: the weirdo showman,” said Meyers. “The guy who can’t stay on message because, one, there is no message. Two, America was demonstrably worse when he left office and three, he can’t stomach anyone else getting attention for anything, ever.”

After all the advice, what Trump offered at a Pennsylvania rally on Saturday was: “I’m a better-looking person than Kamala.”

“Republicans are basically saying to Trump, ‘we still have a chance if we focus on the economy,’” said Meyers. “And his response is, ‘what if we make it about looks?’”

And on the Daily Show, guest host Michael Kosta ribbed Democrats for their week of DNC themes – Monday: For the People. Tuesday: A Bold Vision for America’s Future. Wednesday: A Fight for Our Freedoms. Thursday: For Our Future.

“How do you have themes that are so vague and then still run out of ideas by Thursday?” Kosta wondered. “This is like when the Fast and the Furious movies ran out of different ways to say that the movies would be fast and furious.”

The Democrats also released a detailed party platform – but forgot to replace Joe Biden’s name with Harris. “And that’s not just lazy, guys. It’s risky,” said Kosta. “Joe Biden is gonna read that and say ‘gas up the Corvette, I’m going back in.’”

Kosta also mocked speculation of highly unlikely appearances by Taylor Swift or Beyoncé, even by news anchors. “Holy shit, did you hear that completely unsubstantiated rumor about Taylor Swift and Beyoncé?!” he joked. “Why are our news reporters talking out of their ass like that? This feels like hosting a birthday when you’re 13 and being like, ‘hey my cousin says he knows Tony Hawk, so I don’t know, he might show up.”

Source: The Guardian, Youtube