Popcorn or Movie? Ervolino Only Cares If There’s Butter

I haven’t been to a movie theater in months, but I’m eagerly waiting for the release of “Deadpool & Wolverine.” A good friend assures me it will be a “REAL popcorn movie!”

However, affording movie popcorn is another story. The last time I ordered a large popcorn and two bottled waters, it cost me $27. To put that in perspective, I didn’t spend that much on my first car.

Popcorn began making its way into theaters during the Depression, and by the mid-1940s, half of all the popcorn consumed in the United States was eaten in theaters. While I love popcorn, I prefer enjoying it at home. I simply pop a Pop Secret envelope into the microwave, and in about two minutes, my mouth starts watering.

Interestingly, my first microwave took four minutes and 30 seconds to pop popcorn. If I did that with my current microwave, it would create a mushroom cloud over Bergen County. My dog loves popcorn too; she starts going crazy about one minute into the process.

Once the popcorn is ready, I melt a blend of butter and canola oil for about 20 seconds, then I’m all set. Yum.

Despite my love for popcorn, buying it at movie theaters is outrageously expensive. Plus, movie popcorn always gets stuck in my teeth—back teeth, front teeth, you name it. This is why I often joke about needing a dentist with me at the movies.

Sometimes, those little popcorn hulls get stuck in the back of my throat, causing me to flail around and gag, which is disturbing for other moviegoers and myself. Though I adore popcorn with all sorts of movies, the term “popcorn movie” generally refers to loud, junky thrillers—films loaded with suspense that turn your popcorn into comfort food.

I use “junky” with true affection. Films like “Star Wars” and “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” which echo cheesy action serials from the 1930s and ‘40s, are magnificently junky. “Jaws” is a junky masterpiece; it’s essentially a movie about sharks eating people. One friend watched her “Jaws” DVD so many times that she knew everything about the opening sequence, including the number of steps the blonde girl ran before jumping into the water.

Due to a recent heatwave, I stayed indoors and watched some popcorn-worthy flicks on Netflix, including the first three “Airport” movies. When I was a freshman in high school, my then-girlfriend Kathy and I both read the paperback edition of Arthur Hailey’s “Airport.” Months later, we went to see the movie at Radio City Music Hall.

In those days, paperback covers loved to boast “Soon to be a major motion picture!” The star-studded film was a colossal piece of junk that somehow earned ten Oscar nominations. Kathy and I hated it but ended up seeing it again. Watching it on Netflix brought back memories.

We went through two bags of popcorn at Radio City because the movie’s tense moments required more than one bag. Plus, we were heading to an expensive restaurant after the show, and I wanted her to be as full as possible.

My favorite part of “Airport” is when the bomb goes off, causing chaos. But, it’s hard not to love when Dean Martin tries to calmly explain to the passengers—who have no idea what’s happening—that Van Heflin is about to blow up the jet with dynamite in his briefcase.

The sequels, “Airport 1975” and “Airport ’77,” also featured big stars wrestling with predictable dialogue and semi-ridiculous situations. In “Airport 1975,” a frantic Sid Caesar yelling, “The stewardess is flying the plane?” is truly hilarious.

A decade before writing “Airport,” Hailey wrote “Flight Into Danger,” in which a former military pilot is called to fly a jetliner after the flight crew falls ill with food poisoning. This and the subsequent “Airport” films inspired the hugely successful parody “Airplane!” in 1980.

I saw “Airplane!” with my then-girlfriend Carol, and we both loved every silly and stupid minute of it. I offered to get her a bucket of popcorn, but she said, “I don’t think so. This really isn’t a popcorn movie.”

I guess it wasn’t, which was too bad, because our dinner after the movie cost me a fortune.

This article originally appeared on NorthJersey.com: Movie popcorn or popcorn movie? Ervolino doesn’t much care as long as there is butter

Source: NorthJersey.com