Taylor Swift and Ex Taylor Lautner Form Unlikely, Eye-Catching Friendship

Taylor Lautner holds a rare, coveted position among Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriends: He’s publicly on great terms with her. And he’s even been seen wearing the signature Eras tour friendship bracelets.

Lautner and Swift were a couple back in 2009. Over a decade later, he’s attended several Eras tour concerts with his wife, who is also named Taylor. Their latest outing was in London this week. Last year, he even appeared onstage at her Kansas City, Missouri stop to promote the music video for the “Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)” song “I Can See You,” in which he had a starring role.

This brings up a lingering question: Is being friends with your ex a good idea?

It depends on several factors. The key aspects to consider are setting boundaries, taking time for yourself, and knowing when it’s okay to end the friendship.

“The truth is, you broke up for a reason,” says Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker. Although a healthy, platonic friendship is possible after a breakup, it’s also not the easiest thing to achieve.

The best romantic relationships are often rooted in friendships. Just because the romantic element didn’t work out doesn’t mean the friendship has to end. Lautner and Swift are a prime example of this possibility.

Maryanne Fisher, a psychology professor at St. Mary’s University in Canada, explains, “It is absolutely OK to be friends with an ex, particularly when there were personality traits or commonalities in value and experience that brought the individuals together in the first place.”

Maintaining a friendship, especially after a long relationship, can help individuals process the breakup. Miranda Nadeau, a licensed psychologist, adds, “For some people, staying friends with an ex can be a healthy way to maintain a connection and work through any lingering emotions or unresolved issues.”

Psychological research indicates that those who remain friends with their exes tend to report higher levels of personal growth and satisfaction with their post-breakup lives.

On the other hand, staying friends with your ex for the wrong reasons can be problematic. If your motivation is to remain in their life in hopes of rekindling the romance, it’s likely not a healthy move. Raquel Martin, a licensed clinical psychologist, advises, “If you have some form of unresolved romantic feelings toward them, it’s never going to be appropriate.”

It’s also a bad idea if the friendship is about control. Fisher warns, “It can be harmful if one party is hoping to use friendship to reinsert themselves into the other’s life or to sabotage future romantic relationships.”

Even without romantic feelings, individuals may still feel territorial about whom their ex dates. Your current partner might also feel uneasy about your friendship with an ex. However, Lautner’s wife being a Swiftie seems to circumvent this issue for them.

Before deciding to remain friends with an ex, several considerations should be kept in mind:

**Boundaries:** If you don’t want to hear details about your ex’s life, such as whom they’re dating, it might be a sign to maintain distance.

**Transition Time:** Allow for adequate time to adjust to the new relationship dynamics. A few weeks might not be enough; it could take months to adapt to being just friends.

**Friendly vs. Friends:** You can be “friendly” without being “friends.” Both parties should respect new boundaries and support each other’s growth.

**No Nostalgia:** It’s crucial not to build a relationship based solely on nostalgic feelings for the past.

**Honesty with Current Partner:** Being transparent with your current partner helps them feel more secure about your past relationship.

**Motivations:** Assess your ex’s intentions. They might want to keep you around while exploring other romantic options, making it harder for you to move on emotionally.

**Other Fish in the Sea:** Remember, just because a past relationship was good doesn’t mean you won’t find similar or better connections elsewhere.

Ultimately, it’s essential to check in with yourself. If being friends with an ex causes more pain than joy, it might be time to end the friendship. Lautner and Swift’s friendship appears to be strong, and it would probably take considerable effort to change that.

Source: USA TODAY