When Your Ex is Everywhere: What to Expect

When Jenn Tran, the current “Bachelorette” lead, made her debut on Joey Graziadei’s “Bachelor” season, her ex-boyfriend, Matt Rossi, took to social media to share his reactions.

His first post was straightforward — a short clip showing him watching the show with a bowl of popcorn, captioned: “POV: your ex goes on the Bachelor.” When the post garnered millions of views, Rossi decided to reveal more.

Two days later, on February 28, he uploaded another TikTok where he provided the full story behind their relationship. He humorously mentioned that he was “using her for clout” and then asked Tran to “give me another shot.”

And he’s not alone in gaining attention by sharing their past with reality TV contestants. Recently, another TikTok user posted a video of their friend reacting in disbelief and covering their eyes after seeing their ex-boyfriend appear on “Love Island USA” as a surprise contestant. Similarly, influencer Fuhzz shocked “Love Island UK” fans by revealing her ex had joined the show, using a Taylor Swift lyric for effect.

However, it’s not just reality TV stars who find themselves in the public eye. In today’s digital world, almost everyone can keep up with their ex’s life via social media. This raises the question: How do you move on when your ex’s presence is everywhere?

Seeing your ex on reality TV or social media can evoke a mix of emotions, says licensed mental health counselor Carrie Cole. “There is anger, hurt, and maybe even embarrassment, especially if other people and their friends are witnessing this,” she notes.

Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist, explains that it can also trigger feelings of “inadequacy and shame.” She adds, “It can be confronting to see somebody who used to be such a big part of your life moving on so publicly. You’re like, ‘Oh, look at what they’re doing with their lives, and what am I doing with mine?’”

Gary Lewandowski, a psychology professor at Monmouth University and author of “Stronger Than You Think,” emphasizes the importance of remembering that their actions are not about you. “You can’t control whether your partner goes on reality TV. You can’t control what they post on social media,” he says. “You have no control over them whatsoever. Nor should you try.”

Instead, Lewandowski advises focusing on why the breakup happened. He suggests making a bulleted list of reasons why the breakup was beneficial while still processing the breakup. This list can serve as a reminder during moments of doubt.

Experts also recommend getting offline and avoiding triggers that stir negative feelings. Engle suggests muting mutual friends on social media, while Cole advises unfollowing your ex or any upsetting content. Lewandowski adds that pursuing new hobbies or spending time with friends can fill the void left by the breakup.

Lewandowski also discourages staying friends with an ex, as it can hinder the moving-on process. “You can stay friendly, but not friends,” he notes. “You have other friends.”

Engle recommends practicing self-care and emotional regulation exercises to manage stress from a breakup. One helpful exercise is “box breathing,” which involves breathing in counts of four. “Doing that five to eight times can be really useful in calming yourself down,” she explains.

Engle stresses the importance of being able to sit with uncomfortable feelings and recognize that they’re normal. “Ultimately, you are responsible for the behavior you decide to engage in,” she adds.

Cole suggests reaching out to your social network for support. “Sometimes we think we can handle it alone, but that’s when we should embrace love and connection from others,” she says.

Engle warns against speaking poorly of your ex, even if it feels good or others encourage it. Lewandowski agrees, pointing out that talking badly about an ex keeps them mentally present and drains emotional energy. “Stop talking about them, and that will help you move on,” he advises.

Source: USA TODAY