Why was the person next to me at Deadpool eating a cheese board?

I love watching movies. Whether it’s black-and-white artsy films, slasher movies from the eighties, bizarre experimental sci-fi, or the latest superhero blockbuster, I’m all in. But there’s one thing I absolutely despise: watching movies in a cinema. The mere thought of going to a movie theatre and having to sit next to strangers fills me with a sense of dread usually reserved for real adversities. While I know streaming is impacting the industry, it’s hard to be upset when it means I can avoid kids kicking my seat or people loudly whispering their “hilarious” comments.

Take, for instance, my recent experience at the midnight release of the new Deadpool movie. Yes, it’s not highbrow cinema, and Marvel hasn’t been at its peak lately, but I can’t resist some explosions and familiar references. I even splurged on a premium seat, naively hoping that people who pay more might behave better. That’s on me for being classist, I guess. Just before the lights dimmed, the person next to me pulled out—I’m not exaggerating—a full charcuterie board.

Look, I get it. Concessions at movie theaters are expensive. If someone sneaks in an extra bag of Munchies, it’s not the end of the world. But this was a full deli platter and an assortment of cheeses. This guy laid them out on his lap and spent the entire two and a half hours picking at them, allowing me to see, hear, and smell the whole ordeal. At one point, he even offered me a piece.

What are we doing here? I’m not usually one to fall into moral panics, but munching on Pecorino in a cinema seems like a clear sign that we need a cultural reset. What goes through someone’s mind to make them think, “You know what this Deadpool and Wolverine screening really needs? Me chomping on some Parmigiano Reggiano.”

And it’s not just cinemas that have turned into etiquette wastelands. Adele recently had to shout at a concertgoer for voicing anti-Pride views during her performance. Imagine being so out of touch. It’s like going to a Broadway show and complaining about theatrical clichés.

There was also the trend last year where people began flinging objects at performers during concerts. I don’t like country music either, but if you’ve paid to be there, accept your choices and be respectful.

These issues are predominantly American, but the UK isn’t immune. While we pride ourselves on our politeness, if we start bringing cured meats to cinemas, we might as well adopt American customs wholesale. During a brief stint living in the US, I witnessed their peculiar habit of clapping when a film ends. I’m telling you, it’s a slippery slope.

So, do everyone a favor and leave your charcuterie at home. If you really must enjoy olives and pâté while watching a movie, consider waiting a few weeks to rent it on Amazon. Because the next time someone unwraps a cheeseboard next to me in a dark theatre, my reaction might not be so polite.

Source: source names